Kansas City @ Toronto, 5-23-08: ALL YOU CAN POSSIBLY STAND TO EAT

The Blue Jays decided to try out the All-You-Can-Eat option this past weekend in Toronto (where patrons can purchase a ticket that guarantees them a seat to the game, plus all the hot dogs, peanuts, popcorn, nachos, and soda they can handle). Naturally I was all over that.

It was interesting to note that they chose the Royals series to try out the promotion. The Royals don't draw a whole lot of fans to games in Toronto (at least not compared to Detroit or any of the Eastern Division teams) and I suppose this was the best way to gauge whether or not this thing would be a success.

Most of the dome was empty, but the AYCE sections were packed

Thanks to slow traffic on the QEW (and rubberneckers gawking at un upside-down car) we arrived an inning late. KC had already scored, and it turned out we missed the Royals' only run. I and everybody else, though, was far more interested in the food setup.

They gave us wristbands that allowed us to pluck whatever food we wanted (and however much we wanted) from the rows of tables on the 200 level. I had anticipated long lines, but everything was surprisingly efficient. From our seats we could leave, snag a handful of hotdogs, sit back down -- all in under 60 seconds.

The seats themselves were okay. We were tucked in an alcove next to the glass-encased restaurant beyond centerfield. We couldn't see the jumbotron, but there was a television overhead for our benefit. The crowd in our section was very well behaved, too (in contrast to those encountered in our last game). There were a lot of families, and I suppose the best time to bring kids to the game is when you can stuff them for a nominal fee.

TV above, actual action below... which to watch?

I found that due to the constant eating I had the worst time paying attention to the game itself. I am probably only able to do one thing at a time, and if I'm negotiating the cheese for my nachos I'm going to have trouble telling you who that runner is on second, or even how he got there.

Mysterious (and addictive) stadium cheese... in a bag!

Anyway, I anticipated this being a quick and low-scoring affair as Roy Halliday and Zack Greinke were on their respective mounds. I was half-right as Halliday ended up pitching a complete game, walking nobody, striking out five, and only allowing that one run we didn't see. Greinke, on the other hand, allowed six runs in five innings (all amassed in the 2nd and 3rd) on nine hits. The Royal relievers only allowed one more run after that. Toronto's back-up shortstop, Marco Scutero, was responsible for four of those runs as a pair of Jays scored on each of his two singles. Who needs Eckstein?

My favorite play, though, came when Aaron Hill made the best catch I've ever witnessed at a game (well, there was an amazing Little League catch I remember seeing -- a second baseman dove away from home plate into the outfield grass to make an over-the-shoulder grab -- but he was too short to simply jump up and catch the ball properly).

The Blue Jays needed this win too as they were fourth in their division and were in last place as recently as the 14th. Likewise, the Royals really could have used the victory as they too were fourth in their division. They lost, however, making it their fifth in a row.

Nobody messes with DeJesus

Everybody appeared to have a good time, at least on the 200 level. The game, for better or worse, was more of a side attraction, and the food, for better or worse, was plentiful. Personally I downed two-and-a-half hot dogs, three sodas, half a box of popcorn, half a pretzel, and three mini-boxes of nachos. My stomach still feels like a garbage bag, but I couldn't get enough of that cheese. I wasn't able to take many pictures for the same reason why I wasn't able to concentrate on the game; FOOD APLENTY.

Better Than "Centerfield"

Via Buzzgrinder, via CMJ, some aging rocksters (including members of REM) have formed a new band called The Baseball Project. (And to be fair, Linda Pitmon isn't really at all old... "experienced" rocksters, rather than "aging" ones.)

Peter Buck is involved. I didn't know he (or any other musical artist this side of Meatloaf) liked baseball. But he does, as do fellow REMer Scott McCoughey, Steve Wynn of Dream Syndicate (remember them?) and drummer Linda Pitmon.

Their first release, Volume 1: Frozen Ropes & Dying Quails, will be released on July 8 on Yep Roc records. The song "Past Time" is already up on Myspace and lyrically sounds like a baseball encyclopedia put to music (with some whoo-hoos thrown in for good measure).

This could be something to get excited about if the songs don't suck. But anything mentioning Oscar Gamble's afro is alright with me. And really, looking over the track list, how many awful songs about Harvey Haddix could there possibly be? (None, that's how many.)

Statistical Foray: To Infinity

Growing up I had several Wilson Alvarez baseball cards. Wilson Alvarez was a decent big league pitcher during the 90s and early 00s. I was never interested in his playing career, though. I was interested in how various baseball cards interpreted his 1989 ERA statistic. In 1989 Alvarez played one Major League game for the Texas Rangers. It was his first big league start, and in that game he allowed a single, back-to-back home runs, then back-to-back walks. He was then yanked by manager Bobby Valentine.

Zero outs, 3 earned runs, infinite earned run average.

And since this was his only big league appearance that year he will forever be stuck with an infinite ERA for the 1989 season. It's neat (at Alvarez's expense, of course), but how would a baseball card go about representing this non-number? Here's an example where Topps used a dash, which I suppose works. It's better than using 0.00 (which they've also done). Zero is absolutely incorrect. Infinity is, like, the opposite of zero. So what do you use? The 1993 Flair set got around this problem by omitting the '89 season entirely. Most cards, though, use "undef." or "inf." Upper Deck, I seem to recall, used an actual infinity symbol. This attention to detail was one of the reasons UD was better than all the other card companies.
Despite this statistical blemish, Alvarez redeemed himself in his next Major League start two years later when he threw a no-hitter. That's kind of amazing.

Anyway, I'm interested in other infinite seasons. Who allowed the most earned runs in a season without recording an out? In a mid-September game against Cleveland in 1979 Bob Kammeyer, pitcher for the Yankees, allowed eight runs on seven hits, including two homers. There was a hit batsman in there as well. Here's the boxscore. This was Kammeyer's last big league appearance. However the very next season as a member of the Columbus Clippers he was the International League's Pitcher of the Year.

Kammeyer's one-game effort (8 earned runs, no recorded outs) has only been matched twice since then, most recently by Paul Wilson in 2005. Wilson started for the Reds and the Dodgers jumped him for 8 runs on 5 hits. Interestingly Wilson Alvarez was the game's closing pitcher (he only had to face one batter, Sean Casey, who grounded out on the second pitch).

The other game involved Oakland pitcher Blake Stein in 1998, and it was again against the Indians. Stein didn't allow any home runs and in fact only allowed 4 hits, but he did walk 3 and hit-by-pitched another. Cleveland ended up scoring 10 runs that first inning, 8 of those credited to Stein.

Naturally Wilson and Stein were able to record outs in other games they pitched those years so baseball card manufacturers didn't have to deal with the whole infinity thing. Kammeyer, as far as I know, never had a baseball card. That's probably a good thing. Topps' calculators in 1980 would probably explode if they had to calculate infinity.

On-field Interview: Mark Ellis

The following transcript is completely fictional, but even though this concept, an on-field interview, completely tarnishes the sanctity of the game, that doesn't mean I wish it wouldn't happen. This is possibly the first of several. Who would YOU like to see in an on-field-during-gameplay interview?

Also, I started writing this a couple days ago and had no idea that the Orioles would actually be starting a three game series against the Athletics in Oakland TODAY. Sadly Daniel Cabrera isn't scheduled to start any games this series, so I'm not completely clairvoyant.


Jon: Welcome back to Sunday Night Baseball on ESPN. I'm Jon Miller here alongside my Hall of Fame partner Joe Morgan. Oakland has a two-to-nothing lead over the Orioles here in the bottom of the fifth thanks to a two-run shot by Jack Cust back in the second inning. Daniel Cabrera is still on the mound for Baltimore, and despite the homer, Joe, and despite already walking five batters, he's kept things from getting too far out of hand.

Joe: That's right, Jon. Cabrera can be wild sometimes, and that's usually been his downfall in the past. He's not a consistent pitcher, especially tonight. A couple singles, the home run to Jack Cust, all those walks... it's surprising he hasn't given up more runs. We'll see if he can settle down this inning, and if he can't I don't suspect he'll last too much longer.

Jon: Hey Joe, we have a special treat for our viewers at home. Often between innings we'll interview a coach or manager, but right now we're breaking new ground and making broadcasting history... right here on ESPN. Down in the on-deck circle we've got Oakland second baseman Mark Ellis miked up. Mark, can you hear us?

Mark: Oh yeah, loud and clear.

Jon: Mark has graciously allowed us to communicate with him while actually at bat. Of course Joe and I will pipe down once he actually gets into the batters box. We don't want to distract him any more than we have to, but we'll have a few words with Mark while Travis Buck takes his cuts. Mark, what are you doing to prepare yourself for this next at bat?

Mark: Well, a lot of the preperation came before the game, taking a look at video of Cabrera, looking over the numbers, seeing if he has any tendencies...

Joe: Of course, your previous at bats in this game will probably best prepare you for this at bat coming up.

Mark: Right, naturally. This game... this is the first time I've ever hit against Cabrera, so I wanted to prepare myself the best I could. And yeah, those earlier at-bats this game, I could look at a sheet of numbers all day, even watch the video, but until you step up to the plate with the bat in your hand... but even for this at bat, I'm still paying attention because in the same way that I learned how to approach Cabrera, he's learned how to better pitch to me.

Jon: Buck swings at the first pitch and misses, strike one. Now, you walked in your first at bat, then struck out in your second. What did you learn then?

Mark: Well, the first at bat I could've either taken a bunch of pitches just to get a feel for him, or I could've jumped up there aggressively. The bases were empty so I expected him to pitch aggressively to me. Y'know, throw strikes. I usually let the first pitch go by anyway, and I did. The next pitch was just outside, and I expected that, so I let that one go too. I was sitting on the fastball and waiting for one to be back in the strike zone, but it never was. The second at bat there was a guy on first. I knew Cabrera wouldn't want to walk me and put two on, although him doing that wasn't out of the question. He wouldn't do it on purpose. Oh, here's the next pitch to Travis...

Jon: Buck takes this one for ball one. One and one the count. So, Mark, there was a man on first and you didn't think Cabrera would walk you again?

Mark: Right, and I figured he'd keep the pitches low to get me to gound into a double play or something, but with two strikes he surprised me and pitched it high. That thing was eye-level, but I swung and missed.

Joe: So now you'll take what you learned those first two at bats and adjust.

Mark: Right, yeah. But how he approaches me this at-bat, the pitcher, it'll depend on whether or not Travis here can get on base.

Joe: There's all kinds of variables to consider, both from the hitter's and pitcher's points of views. There's the score, number of men on base, number of outs...

Jon: Buck hits this one deep down the first base line! It is... fouuul.

Mark: I could tell that was foul all the way, but you kinda got me excited there.

Jon: One and two the count. Sorry Mark, I didn't mean to raise your hopes there.

Mark: No, no. That's sort of your thing, isn't it? Where you say "fouuul"? I bet if you said "fair" the ball would've changed directions for a homer.

Jon: Haha, no I don't wield that kind of power. And even if I did I can't play favorites. If you're just tuning in we're talking with Mark Ellis who is on deck. Oakland has a two-to-nothing lead over Baltimore right now. Oriole pitcher Daniel Cabrera has been shaky this game but has only allowed those two runs. In the limited time you've seen Cabrera, Mark, what do you think of his stuff?

Mark: Well, he's got a great fastball and a hot slider. He's a big boy -- six foot seven, I think -- and when he takes that big step the ball gets on you in a hurry. Obviously he's got some control problems, but he's definitely a challenge to hit against.

Joe: Sometimes the wildness can be to a pitcher's advantage. He can be effectively wild and the batter can only guess where the next pitch is coming because the pitcher himself may not be %100 sure.

Mark: Yeah, it could either be low and away or in your ear.

Jon: There's a base hit for Travis Buck, a single to right. No outs here in the bottom of the fifth and our man Mark Ellis is now fully wired and up to bat. We'll keep quiet now and let Mark explain his situation. Take it away, Mark.

Mark: Thanks guys. Well, with no outs and a runner on first the infield is going to shift into double play mode. That'll leave a gap there between the third baseman and...

Ramon: Who are you talking to?

Mark: This is Ramon Hernandez, the Orioles' catcher. Umping behind the plate is the respectable Ed Montague.

Ramon: What? What are you doing?

Mark: I'm wearing a mic, and we're on live TV, so no swearing or you'll get in trouble with the network. So anyway, there's that gap on the left side of the infield, and if I can help it I'll try and poke it through. Again, I'll probably be getting a lot of low pitches...

Ed: Are you going to narrate or are you going to step into the box and hit?

Mark: Alright, the mighty Mark Ellis is stepping up to the plate.

Ramon: "Mighty" Mark Ellis?

Mark: Ramon is dropping the signs right now and I'm giving the pitcher a mean look.

Ramon: ...So annoying.

Mark: Cabrera is set to give up a base hit, and... Ramy, why did you have him throw to first? You're playing the Oakland Athletics. We've stolen, like, ten bases this season. The whole team. Travis over there at first hasn't stolen any. When I get on first I'm not even going to steal second.

Ramon: Hah, you are getting on first base only if Danny hits you in the face with the baseball.

Mark: Why would he hit me in the face?

Ramon: To shut your yapping mouth. Okay, Danny, en la cabeza!

Mark: Alright, I'm back in the box patiently awaiting the first pitch, unless you're still imagining Travis stealing imaginary bases.

Ramon: Recuerdas, Danny. La cabeza!

Mark: Here's the pitch...

Ed: STEEERIKE.

Mark: Of course I was taking all the way.

Ramon: Of course. The ball was in the middle of the plate but I saw you flinch.

Mark: I flinched because I should've hit that thing over the wall. Remember, Jon, if it's down the line and deep I want you to say "fair" instead of "fouuul".

Ramon: What? Who the fu... Who the fudge is Jon?

Mark: I've got Jon Miller and Joe Morgan listening up in the booth.

Ed: Tell Joe he still owes me a steak dinner.

Mark: Joe, Monty says you owe him a steak dinner.

Joe: I don't owe Ed Montague anything.

Mark: Joe says he doesn't owe you crap. Oh shoot, here comes the next pitch.

Ed: Low ball. One and one. He owes me a steak dinner. I mention this every time I see him but he still won't pay up.

Joe: There's nothing to pay. I don't owe him any dinners, steak or otherwise.

Mark: He still says no. Why does Joe owe you dinner?

Ed: We went golfing fifteen years ago, winner pays for dinner. I won and I'm still hungry.

Joe: We weren't playing gimmes and we weren't playing mulligans, but Ed used both on the last hole. Clearly... well, I won't say he cheated, but gimmes and mulligans negate the dinner agreement.

Ed: What's he saying? Is he giving you that gimme mulligan garbage? He replayed his tee shot on the fifth and sixth hole.

Joe: There were un-ignorable distractions when I teed off on the fifth and sixth hole and we agreed that it was okay for me to retake those shots.

Ed: STEEERIKE TWO.

Mark: Doggone it, Joe! Speaking of un-ignorable distractions. Can your audio team or whatever turn off the booth mikes until I get on base?

Ramon: You are not getting on base. You gonna get struck out.

Ed: If you consider inflation, and fifteen years have passed, Joe owes me a ten pound steak. You tell him that.

Mark: He can hear you. Now c'mon, I've got to concentrate. Two strikes. He'll probably throw something outside to get me to chase. If he were a more controlled pitcher I'd worry about him nipping a corner, but as it is it'll probably be way out or right in the strike zone.

Ramon: Right in your cabeza.

Mark: Now that last pitch, I had Joe in my ear, but I swung and missed on the slider. The first pitch was a fastball. His change up isn't his quality pitch, so if I see that one it'll probably be outside the strike zone. I'll sit on the fastball, but I'll really have to pay attention to the location as best I can. Alright, here it comes.

Ed: Take your base.

Mark: OW! ARGGH!! MMMM, that didn't hurt at all. Not at all not at all. Don't rub the spot don't rub the spot. Just trot to first like you didn't just get hit in the funny bone with a baseball.

Jon: Jon Miller and Joe Morgan back with you, speaking with Mark Ellis, who is now on first base after getting hit by a Daniel Cabrera fastball.

Tye: That get you on the elbow? Do you need to have that looked at?

Jon: That's first base coach Tye Waller talking to Mark, making sure he's okay.

Mark: I'm fine. I'm okay. I can't feel my arm, but no bones are sticking out.

Tye: What's this stuck to the inside of your helmet?

Mark: I've got a mic. I'm talking to Jon Miller and Joe Morgan. Can you see which booth is theirs?

Jon: We're almost directly behind home plate, just a bit to the right. Your left, I guess. Can you see us waving?

Tye: Did Bobby say this was okay? Is that why you've been talking to yourself?

Mark: Front office said it would be good thing to try, that the fans would enjoy seeing things from the players' perspectives. I don't know if they told Bobby or not. Probably not. I don't think he'd go for that.

Jon: Are you referring to Bob Geren, your manager?

Mark: Yep. Yeah, that's him.

Tye: That's him who?

Mark: Oh, I was answering a question for Jon.

Tye: They can talk back to you too? Is that legal?

Mark: Quarterbacks can do it. Managers flash signs to their coaches, who flash signs to their players. I don't see why we can't talk to the broadcasters.

Tye: Boy, Bob's gonna lay down some sort of fine...

Mark: Nope. Front office has given me immunity. Beane said I wouldn't get fined or suspended or anything.

Tye: What about the commissioner?

Mark: Uh... I'll let Beane talk to him too.

Tye: (sigh) Alright, whatever. Make sure Barton doesn't hit you with the ball too.

Jon: First baseman Daric Barton at the plate now, and the Baltimore bullpen is stirring a little. After Barton is the DH Frank Thomas, the Big Hurt. How's that elbow, Mark?

Mark: It's tingly. Fortunately this isn't my throwing arm, so I'll be fine when we take the field again.

Jon: Now that you're on base what's your strategy?

Mark: Well, I have to be mindful of Travis there on second. I don't want to pass him, y'know, if he holds up on a fly ball and I decide to run. But if it's a ground ball I want to run hard to try and break up a double play. But yeah, on anything bigger than a routine single I'll watch Tony down there at third -- Tony DeFrancesco, the third base coach -- and get from one base to another as quickly as I can.

Jon: Barton takes the first pitch low for a ball. Now, Mark, I see Tony DeFrancesco flashing some signs. Are those to you or to the batter? What's he saying there?

Mark: I can't really tell you with Kevin here within earshot...

Kevin: What's that?

Mark: ...Kevin Millar, the first baseman. I don't want him to steal signs or anything.

Kevin: Who are you talking to?

Mark: I'm talking to Jon Miller and Joe Morgan up in the booth. I'm wearing a mic, so watch your mouth.

Kevin: They're letting you talk to those guys during the game? Man, if I had those guys in my ear I'd strike out every time. Can they hear me?

Jon: Loud and clear.

Mark: Yeah, they can hear you.

Kevin: Who's up there? Jon and Joe? Do you guys want to interview me right after the game? Right after I hit the game-winning home run?

Jon: Oh yeah, tell him we'd be happy to.

Mark: Jon and Joe said no because you wear too much eye gunk. It smears when you sweat and it scares Joe.

Jon: Ball two to Barton, two and oh. Is that true, Joe? Does Kevin Millar's eye gunk scare you?

Joe: No, but I think Kevin is too nice a guy to scare anybody.

Jon: Millar has been known to apply the eye black so heavily that he looks like Alice Cooper.

Joe: Who is she?

Mark: Hey Kevin, they're talking about you.

Kevin: They're always talking about me. They should've stuck a microphone in my hat. I could've done the whole play-by-play from right here.

Jon: The pitch to Barton... Popped up to right field...

Tye: Halfway!

Jon: Nick Markakis camping under it. Not deep enough to advance the runners...

Tye: Back! Stay here.

Jon: ...And the Orioles have their first out in the bottom of the fifth. Two runners on, first and second, the A's with a two-to-nothing lead, and now it's the Big Hurt, Frank Thomas, up to bat. Mark, does your running strategy change with Thomas hitting? And does it change with one out?

Mark: Well, with one out I want to be extra cautious on a pop fly because if it's deep enough, and I choose to advance when it's caught, I don't want to be the third out at second base. We've got a two run lead and that's really not very much. I'm still going to be aggressive on the basepaths. Aggressive but smart. On a base hit, if Travis tries to run home and draws the throw I'll make an effort to get to third base, especially if they miss the cut-off man.

Joe: What about the possibility of a hit-and-run?

Mark: Our team doesn't do a lot of hit-and-runs and steals and things like that. I guess you call it small ball. The organization's thinking behind that is that it causes a lot of unnecessary outs, and we can advance bases just as well without that kind of strategy. With that being said we still practice those kinds of tactics just in case the time is right to use them. We have a hit-and-run sign, and if I see Tony give that sign then you better believe me and Travis will be running.

Joe: See, and I mean no offense, Mark, but I think that method of playing baseball is a mistake. Billy Beane has it wrong. You generate and manufacture runs by being aggressive on the basepaths. And if the other team has it in the back of their minds that the baserunners may or may not steal, or hit-and-run, or bunt, or whatever, then they'll be distracted and more apt to make fielding or mental errors, and that allows more runners to advance.

Mark: We are aggressive on the basepaths. I mentioned the situation where I'll take off on a throw home. Aggressive and smart. I'm not about to make an out by thinking I'm superman and can do anything. Especially with just a two run lead. I'm more valuable safely at first base than I am out at second on a failed steal attempt. I mean, ultimately before the pitch it's the manager's call. He gives the steal sign and I'll steal. But that's not how this organization chooses to win our games.

Joe: But you're not going to win games like that, by letting things unfold instead of making things unfold...

Mark: Joe, we're two games out of first place. We're... oh, shoot.

Jon: Thomas hits it to the gap in left-center. That should be enough to score Buck. Around third he comes to score. The A's take a three run lead. Luke Scott, the left-fielder, finally has the ball.

Tony: GO, GO, GO!

Jon: Mark Ellis is being waved home. Around third he goes. Luis Hernandez cuts it off, fires it home. The throw is...

Mark: ARRR.

Ramon: OOF.

Ed: YER OUT.

Jon: In time! Out at the plate. The ball beat Mark Ellis by a couple steps, there was a collision, and Ramon Hernandez was able to hang onto the ball. Everybody's okay, though Mark's helmet came off in the collision.

Mark: Monty, can you toss me my helmet?

Ed: Is this thing on? Joe, you owe me a steak dinner!

Joe: I do not!