-Alex Rodriguez just won the AL MVP award. GOOD. He's, like, the best player in the universe, and that's just something everybody will have to deal with.
-Alex Rodriguez will play for the Yankees after all. GOOD. All the silly drama will continue next season and things in Yankeeland will still be interesting.
There are no other baseball players besides Alex Rodriguez, don't you know?
-Barry Bonds was finally indicted for something. I can't proclaim a GOOD or BAD verdict because, while I want to see Bonds get his just desserts, this whole thing saddens me.
I'm no legal expert, but something is still confusing me quite badly; Barry Bonds, indicted for purjery/obstruction of justice for lying about taking steroids. However nobody has proven that Bonds took steroids. So... he's been indicted for lying about something that hasn't been proven yet. Maybe something will be revealed during the preceedings. Or maybe evidence is optional in cases like these. Regardless, I wish he'd been indicted four or five months ago... BEFORE he went and broke that homerun record.
-The USA just won the Baseball World Cup. GOOD. Take that, World. As if I knew these games were being played anyway.
-Tom Glavine will play another year. BAD, actually. He had a so-so 2007 season, not an awful one. His numbers were merely average, but he'll be 42 years-old next year and decline is inevitable. He should leave the game with good memories of his 300th win still fresh in the fans minds instead of dampening them with the subpar performance he's bound to have with the Braves next season.
-Derrek Lee won the NL Gold Glove for first basemen. BAD. Because statistically Albert Pujols deserves the prize. Better fielding percentage, more assists, higher Range Factor. The voters must've only looked at the errors category where Lee had seven, Pujols with eight. Just one more error despite playing in fifty more innings.
Want to see why mainstream media doesn't take sportsbloggers seriously?
Okay.
Now check out my FireJoeMorgan imitation.
"Alex Rodriguez Does Not Deserve the 2007 AL MVP Award"
How's that for a confronting title? He does deserve the 2007 AL MVP, by the way. As if you couldn't tell where I was going with this.
"What a complete and utter joke."
This article, a complete and utter joke you say? Continue...
"ESPN reported today that Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez has been named the 2007 AL MVP. If this isn't a sign that the world is coming to an end, I don't know what is."
Well, Biblically there are wars and rumors of wars and false prophets and horsemen and whatnot. Oh, wait, here in Revelations... "And the fifth seal was broken, and it doth declare the winner of the 2007 American League Most Valuable Player Award. Alex Rodriguez, it spake, and there was much gnashing of teeth..."
"Forget about A-Rod's stats for a second..."
Oh dear, here we go.
"...and focus on a much more important question: where did the Yankees end up this year?"
Don't tell me. I can totally guess this. Um... um... shoot, I give up.
"Exiting from the playoffs after the first round, that's where.
So how in the hell can you justify giving their star player the MVP award?"
Because he led the league in home runs.Because he led the league in RBIs.
Because he led the league in total bases.
Because he led the league in slugging percentage and runs scored and a bunch of other offensive categories.
Because MVP awards aren't contingent on their postseason performance.
Because his postseason performance wasn't all that terrible anyway.
"It would be one thing if A-Rod valiantly led a small market team to their first playoff appearance. But that couldn't be further from the truth."
Valiantly? Like, on a horse?
And what do small market teams have to do with absolutely anything regarding MVP awards? Should he NOT get the MVP because he doesn't play for the Royals? WHAT THE BEANS ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???
"A-Rod plays on the best team money can buy. The Yanks are expected to get to the playoffs every year. With their payroll, anything short of a World Series championship should be considered a complete and utter failure for the franchise."
I spy an attempt at logical reasoning. But regardless of payroll, I think that anything short of a World Series championship should be considered reality. The Yankees look good on paper, but my spiral notebook isn't in an early-season slump, isn't dealing with a pitching staff emaciated by injuries, isn't dealing with HIGHLY UNREASONABLE EXPECTATIONS.
By the way, "complete and utter" sounds like the name of a toast spread.
"Since the Yankees didn't win a world championship, there's simply no way A-Rod should get the MVP."
If I drank coffee (which I don't... it upsets my stomach) I would have spat it all over my monitor just now. Only teams that deserve to win the World Series should have MVP award winners? But there's an NL and AL MVP award. Who doesn't get one because their team didn't win the World Series?
This is also a good time to point out that one man does not make a baseball team. A team doesn't lose because one player isn't doing too good. If, say, Alex Rodriguez has a bad set of games and the Yankees lose ten in a row, it's probably because the whole dang line-up is slumping. The pitching staff is tossing softballs. Alex Rodriguez's teammates aren't producing. He may contribute to the team's failure, but he's not solely responsible for it. This isn't the New York A-Roddys.
"MVP stands for "Most Valuable Player." Not most home runs or RBIs—which aren't too difficult to rack up when you are surrounded by the league's best talent."
If there are men on base you've still got to knock them in. Good grief. And obviously hitting the most homeruns does not automatically get you an MVP award. A Silver Slugger, yes. An MVP... leading the league in most offensive categories sure helps.
"The player who means the most to their team is supposed to win this award."
Rodriguez, yes, check, means the most, wins the award. Goodnight everybody.
"Where would the Tigers be without Magglio Ordonez? Could the Indians have had the year they did without the efforts of C.C. Sabathia on the mound?"
They can't all be MVPs. C.C. was the 2007 AL Cy Young award winner, so he got his props. And as for Magglio, the Tigers didn't even make it to the playoffs this season, so the author is making a case for points he rebutted earlier.
"What about can't they be considered, you biased hacks?"
You no write goodly.
"All season long, all we ever heard about were the Yankees, the Red Sox, and A-Rod's stellar season. It's time for the real gems of the league to be recognized, and the overpaid, underperforming superstars to be put in their proper place once and for all."
So did Rodriguez have a stellar season, or did he underperform? MAKE UP YOUR MIND. And what do the Red Sox have to do with anything else mentioned in this article?
If I ever write anything overwhelmingly stupid I want you to pick it apart line by line, then lop off my typing fingers, 'cause Lord knows I don't want to end up like this fool.
